{"id":8642,"date":"2025-03-02T07:00:00","date_gmt":"2025-03-02T13:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/ellevatedoutcomes.com\/?p=8642"},"modified":"2026-06-15T19:56:49","modified_gmt":"2026-06-15T19:56:49","slug":"emotional-leadership-mistakes-as-a-small-business-ceo","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/zudigitest.com\/ellevatedoutcomes\/emotional-leadership-mistakes-as-a-small-business-ceo\/","title":{"rendered":"Emotional Leadership Mistakes I’ve Made as a Small Business CEO"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Seven years in, people ask me if Ellevated Outcomes has turned out differently than I envisioned \u2013 or if our success has been a surprise. My answer is… not really. But you have to remember: this isn\u2019t the first business I\u2019ve built. So, when I started Ellevated Outcomes, I knew the technical aspect of how to build a business. BUT (wait for it), I’ve certainly made mistakes along the way. There is a huge facet of being a small business CEO that I wasn’t prepared for. And it is by far and away, the most excrutiating part: emotional leadership.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Eighteen months ago in NY, over 6AM coffee talk while our spouses slept in, my friend Tony said to me:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

Your personal limitations will become your organization\u2019s limitations.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Ouch.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/div>\n\n\n\n

So today, I\u2019m going to be oh-so-personal and share 3 mistakes (out of mannnnnnny more) I\u2019ve made over the past 7+ years. And you\u2019ll notice: none of them have to do with anything \u201cbusiness-y.\u201d They all have to do with people. Ask any CEO of any size business, and they\u2019ll agree. People are the hardest part. And I\u2019ve learned: that to nail your emotional leadership game, you need: clarity, groundedness, and personal agency.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Before I get into it, I need to state a preface that’s important to this piece. So much conversation today is around emotional intelligence <\/em>leadership. And that is very, very important. What I’m going to discuss today isn’t that. It incorporates it, but it’s not the same. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here’s why: I’m speaking to creative, small businesses. And in my experience in the market, considering others isn’t the issue. CEOs in our market are dying to consider their employees’ feelings. Sometimes to a fault. So, it\u2019s one side of the coin, but it\u2019s just that: one side. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The complement to EI is what I\u2019m dubbing (self) emotional leadership. The common thread in the mistakes I\u2019m about to share are when I got confused about myself and my stance, and then I wavered. In that wavering I compromised my own sense of self; and it caused confusion. And the sources of each of these? My personal insecurities and fears\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/div>\n\n\n\n

Mistake #1: Lessening My Standards<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Since the age of 18, I\u2019ve been in and out of therapy, as a recovering perfectionist. I\u2019m lucky for this catch so early in life and that I’ve now had multiple decades to work on it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I share that backdrop as context to tell you: I’m sensitive when others critique my standards, attention to detail, and the level of excellence I expect from myself and others. Throughout my life, these comments have come at me from many angles: family, friends, and employees.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After I started hiring a team at Ellevated Outcomes, I was repeatedly told that my expectations were “too high.” At home, my husband critiqued my management style, citing the same. In response, I softened my standards of others and became scared of setting and holding expectations. The result was: people underperformed, and when I gave them feedback on it, they became angry – because I hadn’t been clear on what our non-negotiable standards were.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/div>\n\n\n\n
What I Now Do Differently:<\/h5>\n\n\n\n

These days, I\u2019ve found my way (back) to: my standards are <\/em>Ellevated Outcomes\u2019 standards. They are what gives our brand panache and makes our Outcomes<\/a> what they are. It\u2019s not personal; it\u2019s business. Or perhaps in this case, it\u2019s personal and<\/em> it\u2019s business. And I\u2019m unwavering about it. After all, when you’re a creative or service-based business, you must deliver a consistent brand and client experience.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/div>\n\n\n\n
Example: <\/h5>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I asked someone on the team to complete a body of work within their responsibilties, and I asked them to run it through peer review before presenting the final to me. When I received the deliverable, I was disappointed. New Julie ; ) took this as an opportunity to clarify expectations on our standards. So during monthly 1-1s, I raised it with each person who was part of the process, keeping it simple, factual, and a teaching moment:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI need to share some feedback on xx. I’ll be careful in delivering this; because I understand your role in the process, and you were not the owner. However, as part of peer review, you signed off on it, so you need to know: this isn’t up to Ellevated Outcomes\u2019 standards. It\u2019s below the caliber of work I expect anyone to put in front of me, and we would not put this in front of a client. Next week, I will complete the final, and when I share it back, please put the two versions side-by-side and make note of the differences. And of course: ask me any clarifying Qs about the gaps.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

In this category, I have learned: Do not meet people where they are. Teach them how to meet you at the standards you expect<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And if they don’t have the capacity to fulfill their role at the company’s standards, you need to make a hard decision.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/div>\n\n\n\n

Mistake #2: Not Explaining our Culture Clearly Enough<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

You\u2019ve heard me talk about our values<\/a> before: integrity, honesty, inclusion, and abundance. A few years ago, an employee gave me this feedback on her last day at our company:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou talk about abundance and generosity being our values\u2026 but that has not been my experience here.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As you can imagine, this feedback initially stung (and bravo to her honesty!) but it quickly turned into a huge aha. (Of all my insecurities – and there are plenty – generosity is not one of them).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The “so what?” was: \u201cWe have different definitions of generosity.\u201d It made me realize the same for every facet of our culture: responsibility, feedback, empathy\u2026 others will have different definitions than I. We’re all a product of our own experiences.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/div>\n\n\n\n
What I Now Do Differently:<\/h5>\n\n\n\n

Now, whenever an employee has an experience in our company that\u2019s put them in the learning pit<\/a> or been different from their expectations, we make time to talk about it and really dig into why. My growth is: I don\u2019t revert and change the thing to eliminate the adversity. Instead, I coach them through thinking about it critically so that we can articulate the gap between our respective perspectives. From there, I take note of their POV and do my best to incorporate it into explanations with them and others, moving forward.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/div>\n\n\n\n
Example: <\/h5>\n\n\n\n

Someone recently told me that their onboarding was much harder than they expected. Initially they framed it as a me-issue, mentioning \u201ctwo different Julies.\u201d Instead of getting defensive (growth!), I provided some prompts, to help them reflect further, in a more fact-based way. When we dug into it a few weeks later, the conclusion was: \u201cActually, you did clearly describe how on-boarding would feel. But I thought, \u2018That won\u2019t apply to me.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Though this was a phew!<\/em> moment, I still did my own internal feedback looping. Following that, in conversations I\u2019ve had with people in our hiring pipeline, I’ve doubled down on how learning pit-y on-boarding can feel in our company (you learn a lot<\/em>). <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, when describing this to someone, she just nodded along, yes-ing me. If we speak again, I will circle back and directly say, \u201cYou didn\u2019t ask me any questions when I described this to you. That tells me you weren\u2019t really listening, or you don\u2019t understand what I\u2019m saying. Should we try again?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/div>\n\n\n\n

Mistake #3: Not Differentiating between CEO & Middle Manager<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

This was a 2024 Q4 lightning-strike moment. Out of the blue, it dawned on me: most people don\u2019t want a CEO managing them. They want a middle manager in that seat. This was such a blind spot for me, because I’ve been reporting to CEOs or very senior executives, since 2012. And I’m forever grateful for this career-changing experience. I was motivated by the hard work, learning how they thought, and growing into their expectations of excellence. How I felt wasn’t in the equation.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

At Ellevated Outcomes, we have monthly 1-1s, where, on a scale from 1-5, I rank each employee on their performance versus my expectations, and they rank me. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The clap of lightning was: no one\u2019s ranking me on my CEO job. No one gives a f***, ha! Others will assume you’re running a financially viable business (most people are not; but that’s for another day). They\u2019re ranking me on how I make them feel, each day, as their manager. The value of a middle manager came into clearer focus for me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/div>\n\n\n\n
What I Now Do Differently:<\/h5>\n\n\n\n

Now, in dialogue, I try to separate these roles verbally. I\u2019ll say, \u201cwearing my manager hat\u2026\u201d \u201cwearing my CEO hat\u2026\u201d Also, there is some emotional acceptance of knowing there are going to be periods where I\u2019m disliked because I’m making CEO decisions, and I’m the manager of the person it affects. It can be messy \u2013 especially when our business is at a temporary stage of me wearing both hats. I need to be fluent in both roles and able to roll with the (literal-figurative) punches of making tough CEO calls and protecting\/nurturing my people as their manager.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/div>\n\n\n\n
Example: <\/h5>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s no coincidence that our strategic objective for the year is to reach the final stage of Ellevated Outcomes able to run and grow without me in the manager seat.<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/div>\n\n\n\n

After all, your personal limitations will become your organization\u2019s limitations. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/div>\n\n\n\n

Final Thoughts<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

So at the seven-year checkpoint, I conclude with you: emotional leadership is by far<\/em> the most challenging part of being a small business CEO. It requires self-awareness, clarity, and immense personal agency. The biggest mistake I\u2019ve made in these examples \u2013 and many more \u2013 is reacting. Trying to change myself, in response to what others want.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019ve learned, and finally have confidence that: whatever you\u2019re looking for, is looking for you too. You won\u2019t be for everybody, and everybody won\u2019t be for you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And even with the people who are <\/em>for you(r business): there will be conflict, tough conversations, and mistakes. Peace and feeling good all the time is not the goal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But having a clear and confident stance on your own emotional leadership means that you remain steadfast. You mess up, learn, and communicate. And perhaps you change your approach. But you don\u2019t change you<\/em>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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